i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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