Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
