You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
