is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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