Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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