why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
