Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
