We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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