They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
