what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
