the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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