You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
