dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
