6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
