remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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