Dual....:-)
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Randomize
