i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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