We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
