Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
