guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
