I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
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