I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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