Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
