im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
