I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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