im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I didn't shave. On purpose
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
