I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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