I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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