I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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