his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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