So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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