If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Randomize
