I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
