Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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