Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Holy shit dude........stairs
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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