just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
