Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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