Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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