I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
