His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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