I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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