I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
