It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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