Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
