Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can't turn off my feet"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
