New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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