i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
