If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
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also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
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No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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