Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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