Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
