i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
