a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
