dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
