I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
