Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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