names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
