So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
