You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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