I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
