I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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