Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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