i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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