just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I am one with the molecules
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
