How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize