the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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