I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
