I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
