no, he came in my armpit
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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