Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Gay?
German.
Pity.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
