party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
