Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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