How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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