he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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