hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
