if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
