sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
