I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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