but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
