I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
