We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
